Packing up a home and moving is never easy. Some equate the emotional toll it wreaks to that of a death in the family. It is exhausting, stressful and tiring in the extreme – which is why it is almost easy to feel sorry for Vice President Dick Cheney putting eight years of memories into carefully labeled cardboard boxes and loading them onto a truck.

As any 8-year-old will tell you, eight years is a lifetime. Shirts and ties will account for a goodly amount of his move, as will crate after crate of back-up batteries and chargers for his defibrillator. Fortunately, old shotguns and used waterboards don’t take up as much room as the memories they created. Ah, memories.

While Cheney has a home in Jackson, Wyo., and another in Texas, he will likely spend the winter of his years in Maryland, about 30 miles east of Washington, where he has yet another house. What time he doesn’t spend fly-fishing will be spent scowling, or hanging out with his new neighbor – former Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld.  

That’s right – Cheney and Rummy will be neighborinos for the foreseeable future in St. Michaels, Md. Rumsfeld moved to the swanky Chesapeake Bay area two years ago, where he is free to defend his property from terrorists, newspaper deliverers, Girl Scouts or whoever wanders within range of his garden hose.

Two septuagenarians spending their days grilling, fishing and scowling – they will be like “Grumpy Old Men” only with more evil, and Sophia Loren will end up in that OTHER exclusive Bay area – Guantanamo. Truly, life imitates art.

Ex-presidents often leave office amid waves either of adulation or rotten tomatoes, depending on the economy. However varied their departures may be, all ex-presidents go on to earn big bucks on the speakers’ circuit, or by joining corporate boards, foundations and trusts. Not so for the ex-Vice Presidents. After serving eight years as America’s Second Banana, George H.W. Bush had to get a government job in Washington, D.C., which he held for only four years before he was asked to leave.

Despite the glamour of being in the former Presidents club, being a member of the former Vice Presidents of the United States club is at least as elite. Currently, there are four living ex-Presidents and four living ex-Vice Presidents – Cheney and Bush, as well as Tennessee’s Al Gore, and Minnesota’s Walter Mondale.

While children in modern schools don’t dream of one day becoming America’s Vice President like they should, let me point out to any former Vice Presidents reading that I appreciate you. We all should appreciate them – if for no other reason than that one of its members now has a nuclear aircraft carrier, and another has guns and an itchy trigger finger.

In some respects, America’s former Vice Presidents are at least as well-armed as Somalian pirates and might consider spending their winter years sailing around the globe fighting terrorists. Rumsfeld could go along as their sidekick, the Robin to their Batmen. After all, who would he have to scowl with if his neighbor is out on the High Seas? The bipartisan vice presidential flotilla could bring freedom to nations where it has been long denied. For military reasons, the elder Bush would be its first captain since he was a Navy officer in World War 2. As a lieutenant, Bush outranks Mondale, a one-time Army corporal, the only other living ex-Vice President with military experience.

Irrespective of the future of the Floating Veep Brigade, Mr. Cheney, I wish you the best of luck. May your life be long and your memories vivid. Lift with your legs as you load the moving truck.